The Echoes of Jahiliyyah: A Warning Against Mistreating Daughters

Question:

May Allah reward you with goodness. The female questioner, who symbolized her name with H. M., wrote this question in her own words. She mentions that she is a young woman suffering from her father’s harsh treatment, his injustice, oppression, and tyranny—to the extent that she says she sometimes doubts his actual paternity based on what she sees from him and the hurtful things she hears him say.

She says: I will not hide from you that I hate him very much, but at the same time, I pray for his guidance. I frequently fall into insulting him and talking about him behind his back, and I catch myself doing this by seeking forgiveness for him and praying for him. I do not like to confront him, rather I evade him, and he likewise does not ask about me or care about my affairs. However, I try as much as possible to obey him if he commands me. I have tried repeatedly to advise him, but I have not found the full courage to do so, and he also does not give anyone the courage to confront him, nor does he respond to his family or others. Instead, he does whatever his bad companions dictate to him without thinking whether what he is doing is right or wrong, and without considering the consequences of matters. I inform you that he is well-educated, and he frequently repeats certain Hadiths, yet strangely enough, those Hadiths contradict his actions.

My question, Your Eminence Sheikh Muhammad: Is there any sin upon me for not speaking to him and for evading him, given that this happens despite my will? Guide me in light of this, and is this considered Uquq (undutifulness/disobedience to parents)?

Answer:

It is well-known that parents have rights and children have rights; parents have a right over their sons and daughters, and children have a right over their fathers and mothers. However, the right of parents is greater—the right of parents over children is greater than the right of children over parents.

Therefore, I advise you first to be patient with the harm, oppression, and injustice you experience from your father, and I hope that you will receive a great reward from Allah the Almighty for this patience and good treatment. Do not sever ties with him if this behavior occurs from him; rather, reach out to him and draw closer to him, and you will be the winner.

As for the father, I advise him to be a helper to his children—both sons and daughters—in enabling them to honor him, to be gentle with them, and to treat them kindly. He should know that tyranny, inequity, and injustice toward daughters are acts of the Jahiliyyah (the pre-Islamic period of ignorance). Indeed, the people of Jahiliyyah were the ones who disliked female children and resented their existence, to the extent that when one of them was given the glad tidings of a girl, his face would darken, and he would suppress his grief (cf. Qur’an, Surah An-Nahl 16:58). He would hide from the people because of the bad news he was given, debating whether he should keep her in humiliation or bury her in the dust. Verily, evil is what they judge.

In Jahiliyyah, out of their aversion to females, when a baby girl was born to a person, he would go and dig a grave for her and bury her alive, na’udhubillah (we seek refuge in Allah). It is even mentioned that some of them would let the daughter grow until she reached the age of discernment or near it, then take her out to the wilderness and dig a hole for her. As some dust got onto his beard, she would gently brush it away to clean it of dirt while he was digging the hole to bury her—na’udhubillah—and then he would bury her. Some of them would have their daughters crying out for help, pleading with them as they were thrown into the pit: “O father! O father!”—yet he would show no mercy, but trample her down instead, na’udhubillah. These hearts are harder than the hearts of wolves. Therefore, anyone who dislikes women and treats them badly bears a resemblance to the people of Jahiliyyah.

My advice to this father is to fear Allah the Almighty regarding the female children He has blessed him with, and to know that if he is patient with them and disciplines them properly, they will be a shield for him against the Fire. Regarding what has come down in the Fiqh of the Sunnah from the Prophet, peace and be upon him, let him be gentle with them so that Allah may be gentle with him when he meets Him on the Day of Resurrection.