Question:

A practicing young man, if he cannot find a religiously committed woman, what should he do? Should he marry her and then cultivate her upon the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah?

Answer:

What I advise our brothers who adhere to the religion, and the sisters as well, is that each of them should be diligent. The woman should be eager to marry a righteous man, and the man should be eager to marry a righteous woman. For the Prophet ﷺ said, as recorded in the Sahihayn [Bukhari and Muslim] from the hadith of Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari, may Allah be pleased with him: “The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. As for the seller of musk, either you will buy from him, or he will give you some, or you will find a pleasant scent from him. As for the blacksmith, he will either burn your clothes, or you will find a foul odor from him.”

So I advise every sister, just as I advise every brother, to be selective—especially women, because they are weak. The Messenger ﷺ said, as in the Sahihayn: “Treat women kindly, for they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its uppermost part. If you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked.”

Because a woman is weak, a man might sway her. I do not just say ‘might’, rather it has actually happened. I advise the righteous woman, if her greedy father wants to marry her off to a man of the world, to say that she does not wish to marry until a righteous man comes to her, and that she will only marry a righteous man. We have discussed this in Al-Makhraj min al-Fitnah.

Likewise, a corrupt woman might corrupt her husband. I knew a virtuous, righteous man who visited us here from a land on Allah’s vast earth, and afterward, before we knew it, his condition had changed. His brothers realized that his corruption was due to his wife. May Allah reward his brothers with good; they took her in a car with him and returned her to her family so she would not corrupt that righteous man. But then he brought her back and reverted to how he was [after changing]—though I am now informed that he has separated from her and returned to goodness and righteousness.

Therefore, a woman may be influenced by a man, and a man may be influenced by a woman. ‘Imran bin Hittan al-Khariji was a man from Ahlus-Sunnah, and he had a female cousin who had been influenced by the ideology of the Khawarij. He wanted to marry her in order to save her, but afterward, she dragged him into the ideology of the Khawarij.

The Messenger ﷺ said: “A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he takes as a close friend.”

A man needs to seek out a righteous woman. All praise is due to Allah, there are virtuous, righteous women in many Islamic countries, and there are virtuous, righteous men. I advise building righteous families right from the very beginning; he strives for a righteous woman, and she strives for a righteous man. All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all the worlds.