Question:
Also from the questions of the listener, Ahmad Al-Masri, residing in Riyadh, who asks: Is a person sinful if they detest their wife—meaning, they do not love her?
Answer:
Love and hatred are matters that Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, casts into the heart of a servant. A person may not have control over themselves regarding this matter; meaning, they may not possess the ability to turn someone they love into someone they detest, or someone they detest into someone they love.
However, love has causes, and hatred has causes. Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, has forbidden everything that serves as a cause for enmity and hatred, and has commanded that which is mandatory regarding affection and familiarity.
Therefore, a man—especially concerning his wife—must be extremely keen on pursuing the causes that bring about affection and love between them. Among these causes is that he remembers her good qualities and overlooks her shortcomings, just as the Prophet ﷺ guided us to do in his saying: “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
This is how he should deal with his wife, and she should likewise deal with him, so that love can take root in both of their hearts, thereby achieving harmony and affection.
The matter of a wife is not like any other; indeed, the separation of spouses from one another carries its own dangers, especially if there are children between them.