Question:

Here in our town in Sudan, when someone dies, a mourning gathering and mattress/bedding setup are held for them for more than three days. Is this mattress/bedding setup for the deceased permissible, and how should condolences be offered for their loss, knowing that they set up these mattresses inside the deceased’s home? Also, is it permissible for neighbors to bring their own food and drink to the family of the deceased to share in their grief?

Answer:

These mourning gatherings that are held—what they call condolences, setting up tents, gathering people in them, hiring Qur’an reciters, preparing food and drinks, and so on—are all newly invented innovations (bid’a’) and burdens and shackles that Allah has sent down no authority for.

This is especially true if these gatherings are funded from the estate of the deceased, while the deceased may have outstanding debts, or may have young, minor heirs who are in dire need of the money. In such a case, the matter is even more sinful and greater in harm, because alongside being an innovation and a reprehensible act, it is also an injustice to those with rightful claims. This is because the estate transfers to the heirs upon death, and if there are debts, they belong to the creditors. Thus, taking from it for these innovative mourning gatherings combines two things:

• First: It is a reprehensible act.
• Second: It is an injustice to those with rightful claims.

​A third hazard: Holding these mourning gatherings involves an element of impatience and discontent regarding the calamity. Holding these gatherings for such a long time and gathering people in them is a manifestation of impatience over the deceased. ​ The obligation upon a Muslim is to be patient with calamity, avoid showing impatience, avoid displaying excessive grief, and instead accept the decree and destiny of Allah, remaining patient and seeking reward—this is what is obligatory for a Muslim.

As for setting up these tents and mourning gatherings, it indicates a lack of patience and a state of impatience, needing someone to come and sit with them and pass the time for amusement. Therefore, what we advise and recommend to Muslims is to stay away from such matters, these bad customs, these reprehensible innovations, and these mourning gatherings that Allah has sent down no authority for, which waste time, squander wealth, and draw in reprehensible acts. There is no good in them under any circumstance—neither for the living nor the dead. For the living, they disrupt their time, exhaust their wealth, and occupy them with innovations. For the dead, there is no benefit whatsoever in these gatherings and celebrations. As for legitimate condolences, it is praying for the deceased without holding a mourning gathering to invoke prayers.

Every Muslim prays for their deceased brother without a formal gathering; they pray for him individually in any place—at his grave, in his home, or anywhere else. If Allah accepts the prayer, it reaches the deceased without hardship or cost.

As for preparing food for the family of the deceased and giving it to them so they can sustain themselves during a time when they are preoccupied from cooking in their own home, this is a good thing. The Prophet ﷺ commanded that food be prepared and given as a gift to the family of the deceased, provided it is restricted solely to the family of the deceased. However, as for gifting food to this gathering or to the tents, that is not permissible because it encourages the holding of mourning gatherings. Food should only be made specifically for the family of the deceased, not for the crowds who gather in this mourning gathering, because doing so assists them in reviving bid’a (innovations).